Call me crazy, but I find myself eager to turn 40 next month.
In my teens, I had high expectations of where my life was going to take me. My 20s were when I started to joke that “I got everything I never wanted”. And in my 30s, I finally realized that what I got is most likely what God knew I needed.
All these decades, I have strived. Maybe not to be the best, but to be my best. 100% vegan. A minimalist. Always crossing things off my Bucket List. Climbing the ranks with Young Living Essential Oils. For my blog to take off. To bring Ivy into the world. Be the best wife. Take care of my health. Support world missions. Make an impact. The list goes on. And so do I, always trying my best. But often feeling like my best just isn’t enough.
However, through it all, I managed to create a life that I love. I still feel young. I enjoy my routine. I look forward to my future. And somehow it all worked out even though nothing really worked out. So, instead of spending all these decades striving, I wish I would have known to simply stop trying so hard and just enjoy them.
As I’ve moved through my years of expectation, disappointment and acceptance, I’ve confirmed many times over that hard times are inevitable and I’ve learned contentment through suffering. I can’t have it all, and that’s ok. I can’t be the best, and that’s ok too. But what I can do is choose to find hope in every circumstance because once I get it all into perspective, I’m reminded that God put me here, now, loves me and has a future planed for me.
Then my 40 years of working towards my goals fade away and I think of the quote “Only one life will soon be past. Only what’s done for Christ will last.” and I’m reminded, yet again, it’s not about me at all. It’s about Him. And I wish I knew that when I was younger, but I wish I knew that in this moment. Because tomorrow morning, I’m going to wake up, thinking that it’s all about me all over again and will continue to do so, until I am reminded, again and again and again, that I am nothing and He is everything.
So, as I graduate this decade and celebrate the next, I do plan to strive.
Strive to forget myself.
