Nick and I just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary yesterday!
It's gone by in a flash and he's still my favorite person. I would say I just got lucky, but honestly, I know it's the combination of God putting us together and us putting in the work.
So, if you're looking for some advice, here are 18 things we recommend for a happy marriage:
1. Say "thank you" about everything. I always do Nick's laundry, cook the meals, clean the house and run errands and Nick always thanks me for all of it. Nick always repairs the cars, takes care of the yard and works daily to provide for us financially and I always thank him for it. Daily, even if it seems like overkill, we thank each other. Basically, if we notice something our spouse did that made our lives easier, we say thank you.
2. Practice self-care. Think about how you looked when your spouse fell in love with you. How you dressed, how you did your hair, your perfume, your shape, etc. Your spouse was attracted to you. Although we naturally age, I'm always trying to do my best to impress Nick by taking good care of myself and dressing in clothes that he enjoys on me. Why should we stop trying to impress someone after we’ve married them?
3. Hang out with friends, separately and together. It's healthy to have girls nights, guys nights, double dates, couples weekends, etc. Friends can help support our marriage by keeping things fun and giving us an additional support system, on top of mine and Nick's own friendship.
4. Take a vacation. We miss Ivy terribly, but Nick and I always feel closer after we take a vacation, just the two of us. It gives us time to focus on each other, reconnect and relax, dream about future plans and we always look forward to it. We just got back from a week in Cancun together and it was exactly what we needed!
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| Celebrating our 18th in Cancun! |
5. Communicate daily and tell the truth. We talk about our day, tell each other new plans to be added to the calendar, cover questions that need to be addressed, share what we did and who we caught up with, etc. It helps us to actively stay on the same page so there are few miscommunications and confused plans.
6. Be generous with compliments. The more Nick compliments me, the more I want to try to keep impressing him. It feels good to be noticed and makes the hard work worth it. If I'm working out and tidying the house daily and Nick notices, I'm much more likely to continue doing it!
7. Host your spouse like a guest. When Nick gets home, I try to remember to offer him a snack or a cup of tea and have a clean towel folded and waiting for him beside the shower. It's not much, but if I'd do it for a guest, why not do the same for my family so they feel treated to that extra touch of care.
8. Go to bed at the same time. This was a piece of advice given to us before we were married and we've stuck with it all these years! Going to bed together gives us time each day to come together, talk about our day, go over tomorrow's plans, bring up anything important, etc. It's also so comforting to turn off the lights, pray and fall asleep together. At a recent marriage event, a husband shared that he began doing this to keep from watching things he shouldn't after his wife had gone to bed. So, whether you need it for accountability or simply to feel closer to your spouse, it's a must-do in my book.
9. Share a hobby. We've had hobbies come and go, but since we got married we've focused on a plant-based diet as much as possible. It's been fun to read books and discus what we learn, look for vegan restaurants while we travel and watch documentaries together. Find a hobby that gives you and your spouse a common goal and new conversation.
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| Cancun island Bike Tour |
10. Never say anything negative about your spouse. My Grandma Jackson told me this before we were married and I wholeheartedly agree! No one wants to hear us whine about and trash talk our spouses and it does nothing for our marriages. Also, when you talk negatively about your spouse, you are really the one that looks bad and in time, people might even avoid time with you so that they don’t have to hear you complain. Along with going to bed at the same time each night, this is another piece of advice I always give newlyweds.
11. See a counselor. And on that note, I don't mean that you can't talk about your marital problems. But if you need someone to talk to, go see a professional. If your spouse won't go, then you go alone! If you have marital problems then you are a part of the problem, so seek out professional help to deal with your own imperfections and come up with positive ways to deal with what bothers you about your spouse. Counselors are amazing and I've always been glad I've gone to see one when I need an outside listening ear.
12. Be involved in your home church. Marriage isn't about our happiness. It's about commitment and growth and using our marriage to make an impact on eternity. When we are attending church and caring for missionaries together, we are working towards a common goal outside of ourselves and it keeps our perspective straight.
13. Budget. We took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University the year we got married, got out of debt as quickly as possible, created a budget that we both agreed on and stuck to it. We have weekly money meetings to talk about what we've spent and if there was anything unplanned that came up. Staying on top of the finances together has made for less arguments. FYI…we “travel hack” now and pay for all our trips with our credit card points, which is amazing for the Bucket Lister’s budget!
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| Our Cancun trip was FREE…100% paid for in points! |
14. Get off technology. We both got off social media and it's freeing. Less distractions. Less comparisons. More time. I hate when I go out and see people on dates, both scrolling their phones and ignoring each other. Or families out to dinner and everyone looking at their own screen. Or even individuals, sitting alone, head down, world tuned out. We need to look up, look in each other's eyes, be open to stillness and conversation, accept solitude and be ok with a little boredom.
15. Work out. Nothing's better than noticing some attractive guy across the gym and realizing it's your own husband. Working out looks good on us and it's loving to take care of your body so you're healthier for the person who loves you most and hopes you'll be around for years to come. Work out daily together so that you can grow old together. It's not convenient, but it's a great habit with lots of rewards.
16. Go on a weekly date. We can't always find a sitter, so sometimes we do a coffee date while Ivy is at preschool. Or we'll get take out and ice cream and have an at-home movie date. Or we do what we call a “bed picnic” and create a charcuterie board and hang out in our room. But as often as we can, we find a sitter and get out. It reminds us that, although we are parents, we are still just a couple that wants a little romance in our lives and it's showing Ivy that our relationship is important to us.
17. Create a Bucket List. We have a huge, evolving bucket list. We dream, save, plan and then go. Over and over. After 18 years, it's added up to a lot of crossed off countries, states and adventures. It's how we've gone on countless roadtrips to the west coast, spent months in South America, gone to friends weddings in Europe and taken our then 1-year-old daughter on a 2 month cross-country roadtrip. We've done more than any of our friends and it's brought us so much closer because we're in it together and proud of ourselves for making a dream come true.
18. Give each other thoughtful gifts. Take time to get to know your spouse, what they wish they had, treats they enjoy, their favorite coffee shop, cozy items they love to wear, their favorite date night itinerary, what they like to do in their free time, Bucket List items still to be checked off, etc. Then, work off that list for their birthday, Christmas, Valentines and other special occasions like anniversaries. It doesn’t always have to be big and expensive. It can even be as simple as their favorite herbal tea and pastry from down the street. But, thoughtfulness goes a long way in marriage and I always think a great gift is proof that your loved one was thinking about you!
Am I missing anything? Please comment below and share your marriage advice with me!
