“We’re from Greenville”

As I heard these words coming out of my mouth this past January, I felt like I was having some sort of out of body experience. I was shocked when I replied to “Where are you from?” with “We’re from Greenville”. From as far back as I can remember, I somewhat hate when someone asks me that because I never know how to answer. 

Should I say “I was born in Florence, SC”?

Or is it better if I say “I was born in Florence, but grew up overseas”?

Maybe I should just say “I grew up in Ethiopia and Bolivia”?

I’m probably overthinking it and should just say “I grew up overseas” and see if they ask where?

Depending on how curious the person looks, I might go all in and say “I was born in Florence, but my parents were missionaries so I grew up in Ethiopia and Bolivia”.

Honestly, this is all too much so it’s probably better if I say “I’m from Florence” even though I don’t really feel like I’m from Florence at all, but I also don’t know where I feel like I’m from. 

I’m from a lot of places. And I’m from nowhere.

So, it’s better if we just don’t cover where we are from and I really hope they don’t bring it up.

I’m not sure when this dilemma began. I moved to Ethiopia at 7-years-old and remember feeling slightly awkward a few times. I looked different and spoke different. I obviously didn’t fit in. Then I came back to the USA and was no longer home there either. I was called “The Ethiopian” by a handful of kids and my new best friend was a girl from South Africa. She felt the most safe because we both didn’t quite fit the mold.

A few years later, I moved to Bolivia and didn’t really fit in there either. Again, I looked different and spoke different. Friends called me Gringa (white girl) and Granjera (farm girl since they assumed South Carolina is just farms and hicks). My best friend was a girl from North Carolina since she felt the most like me.  

When we would take a furlough and spend a few months in Florence, friends called me “The Bolivian” because I didn’t quite fit in with the American girls. To them (and myself), I was a foreigner. I couldn’t wait to get back to Bolivia. It felt better to be a foreigner in a foreign country, rather than in my home country.

Finally, when I graduated high school and moved back to South Carolina for college, I did so kicking and screaming. I didn’t want to be here and only connected with new friends who were also either foreigners or missionary kids. If anyone asked me where I was from, I would never reply “Florence”, which was only an hour away. I would reply “Bolivia” because I felt I belonged there more than I belonged here.

Since 1992, I’ve wondered how to reply to “Where are you from” and my answer changes constantly, depending on who asks, how I feel, who I’ve just caught up with, whether I’ve felt awkward or re-experienced some form of culture shock or almost said a sentence in Spanish while talking in English. It’s a constant mystery, trying to figure out where I’m from because what does that even mean? 

Am I from the place I was born? The place I spent the most years? The place that was my favorite? The place I had the most connections and friendships? The place I want to say I’m from? The place I currently live? 

So, in January when we were onboard the Logos Hope and someone asked “Where are you from?”, I answered “We’re from Greenville” for the first time in my entire life. I couldn’t understand myself for answering that way because I’m not from Greenville. Oh my word now I have another place to add to my list of questions I ask myself when someone wants to know my origins.

I kept replaying my answer in my head, wondering what brought me to say that and realized: Ivy. In a way that I was never rooted anywhere before, Ivy being born in Greenville has grounded me here. Although Nick is from Greenville, I never was. I couldn’t figure out where I was from. But Ivy’s birth turning us into a family gave Greenville a permanent location in my heart.

Ask me on my own, “Where are you from?”, and I’m still not sure. But ask me “Where are y’all from?”, and my answer is “Greenville, my family is from Greenville”. 

5 tips for raising a confident 5-year-old

As Ivy is growing into her own little person, I want her to feel that she is capable and I want her to be flexible, optimistic, friendly and enjoy healthy relationships. I also want her to know that she plays an important role and that God has a special plan for her life. I believe that all of these will stem from her confidence, so I strive to build her up and teach her about God so that she knows who she is.

Here are 5 things that I try to do that I believe build confidence, all borrowed from other moms :)

1. Always act excited when you greet them and let them be the one that breaks physical contact. Ivy is always excited to see me and wants to get a great big hug or a long snuggle in my lap with a book. I think it's reassuring to her to know that even when we are apart, we will be happily back together soon. So, she can enjoy herself away knowing that I miss her, can't wait to see her and that I'm available to her when we reunite.

2. Always expect immediate obedience. People thrive when they know what's expected of them and kids are no different. Threatening, bribing, counting or anything like these is not helpful for children. It teaches them that they don't actually have to obey right away and it wears down whoever is with them. Instead share your expectations, and the consequences for misbehavior and stick to it.

3. Always say positive things about them, to them and in front of them. Whether your child acknowledges it or not, they are listening to what you say. So, say good things about them! Talk about what they do well. Share what you love about them. Tell a funny story they told you. They are listening and it's either building or chipping away at their confidence. Even in discipline, we can find a way to teach them to do better in a constructive way that leaves them feeling loved.

4. Always give them your eye contact when they speak to you. I really feel like someone is listening to me when I have their eye contact. No one likes to try to carry on a conversation with someone who is looking around them and down at their cell phones and smart watches. Even kids want to be heard, so look them in the eye, even if you need to get down on their level. They want to know that they have important things to say and that you are interested in hearing them.

5. Always take them with you. Whether you are going to the grocery store, an outing with other adults or going on an overseas trip, take them! Ivy is a great help running errands and it teaches her about responsibilities in caring for a home. She can easily join me around other adults and behave appropriately because I've taught her that's what I expect. As for travel, at only 5, she's already been to Cancun, Dominican Republic, London, Trinidad, on a week-long cruise, a 2.5 month roadtrip and many other places. She's friendly, flexible and a great traveler because she learned to be those things through getting outside of her comfort zone and learning how to be around people.

I know I'm not doing it all perfectly and I hate when I mess up, but I'm trying my best to be a good mama for Ivy. She may not grow up to be smart academically and maybe she won't be super talented in sports. She might be average all around, living a simple life.

But she can be confident in who she is and I believe that can be enough.

My starfish and me

Have you ever heard the tale of the starfish?

It’s about a girl on a beach full of thousands of starfish that washed up after a storm. She’s throwing them back into the ocean, one by one, when a man asks her why she’s doing this and points out she can’t save them all. She throws another back in, replies “Well, I made a difference for that one!” and continues returning more to the water...

And here I am, pulled in so many directions as a wife, a mom, a daughter and a friend. I have errands to run, groceries to buy, meals to cook, laundry to wash and put away, a house to tidy and clean, a little girl that wants me to play and take her on adventures, a husband I want to spend time with, friends and family I want to catch up with, an exciting city and active neighborhood I want to enjoy, a church where I attend and volunteer and a Bucket List I can’t ignore. On top of all that, I want to take care of myself, so that I can be the best version of myself for those around me for many years to come.

And so instead of saying yes to every need I hear of, I said yes to one…Marie.

Over the these past few years, I’ve watched as she completed requirements with Front Porch Housing and classes at Tech, always excelling and moving forward. I’ve learned about her life, what she has overcome and witnessed her baptism. I’ve seen that she loves her boys fiercely and makes decisions that are best for them. And now that we’ve celebrated her graduation from Front Porch Housing, I’ve been impressed as she’s reclaimed her independence and set up a fresh start for her family. Now, she’s healthy, in a good place and is using her experience and gifts to support other moms in crisis.

So, I decided that Marie is my starfish.

When I met Marie, our relationship started simply with me texting weekly and asking her for her prayer requests and showing up to meetings and events, not really knowing how to serve her, but trying to make sure she knew that I was there. Over the years, it became invitations to kids birthday parties, a dinner out together and a painting class, cleaning out and organizing her apartment, stopping by when I could and consistently keeping in touch about our lives. And now, today, I consider her a friend.

Marie has shown me what it looks like to be brutally honest and to keep pushing ahead, facing challenges as they come. When we met, I was a new mom who questioned what I had to offer and now, years later, I see that what I had to offer was myself. I came to Marie with no expectations, got to know her and listened to her needs. I felt inadequate, but made myself available, and our friendship rebuilt my confidence in my ability to help others by simply showing up.

Marie may have started out as my starfish, but I also became hers. 

I QUIT SOCIAL MEDIA

Yes, it's true. I quit social media.

If you followed me online, you may have been shocked (or wondering where I've been), but it was actually something I considered for years before I indefinitely signed out.

Since I didn't have a smart-phone until 27-years-old, I rarely used social media other than loading photos after trips. And by loading, I mean from my digital camera to my laptop to FaceBook...my, how times have changed!

But in 2013, I began selling Young Living Essential Oils and found social media to be the best way to do it! 99% of my business was done online, which, for a minimalist and traveler like myself, was a dream!

Even better once I became a mom in 2020 and wanted to stay home with my daughter, while still earning money.

However, years of being online and coming up with daily content began to wear on me and I found myself constantly googling things like "How to quit social media and still grow a business" as I tried to find a way out.

And it wasn't just that I was tired of posting, but I was becoming more and more aware of my new daughters little eyes on me, wanting to copy everything I did.

I want her to read books, play with friends, help with chores, go on walks, spend quality time with us, learn about self-care and all the little things that are building her character, moment by moment. I don't want her to think screens and social media are the goal.

But, she wants to be just like me.

So, I have to be who I want her to be.

Eventually, I woke up one morning last November with this unrelenting conviction to get off of FaceBook and Instagram and, though I fought it for a few hours, I didn't feel at peace until I followed through.

Since that day, I've increased how many books I get through a week, taken more afternoon naps, hung out more often with friends, kept up with my chores with a better attitude, tried new recipes, enjoyed vacations so much more without feeling like I need to be posting about them, spent more quality time with Nick, spent more time in Bible studies and in quiet thought, slept better at night, stopped procrastinating as much as I have done in the past and even enjoyed my time with my daughter, Ivy, so much more.

Even without social media, my business is still thriving, and I feel so much more at peace since I'm finally honoring my convictions.  I won't say I'll never get back on, but for now, you can find me here, sharing my thoughts on my blog.

Have you ever considered quitting social media? Please share in the comments below.

Balance Is A LIE

As a mom, I often feel like I’m doing everything.

And nothing.

My days are consumed with putting together meals and snacks, loading and unloading the dishwasher, washing, folding and putting away laundry, running errands, vacuuming and mopping, meal planning and grocery shopping, scrubbing toilets and showers and on and on.

At the same time, my days are also consumed with trying to spend time with friends, volunteering with our church and participating in studies, working out, and spending lots of time with Ivy, reading books to her, allowing her to help me around the house, talking to her and playing with her and spending roughly 3 hours awake with her nightly because she's not a good sleeper.

It feels busy, all day, everyday.

But, I often look around, at the end of the day, and wonder what I did with all those hours.

I feel that I'm doing everything I can, and at the same time, I feel like I should be better.

Better about staying in touch with friends, better about eating healthier meals, better about deep cleaning, better about working on our small business, better about working out and losing the last bit of baby weight, better about reading my Bible, better about doing educational play with Ivy, and better about getting out to do stuff with other people.

I feel that I should do better, but to be honest, I'm mostly consumed with being a mom, wondering if this is good enough to be considered "my best".

I want there to be a balance, but I can only do so many things well at once and this is it. So, for this season, my minimalist house might be untidy and somewhat dirty, my vegan meals might be a ton of rice and beans, my reading list might be mostly kids books, my friendships might be lots playdates and my date nights might be take out and a movie we’ve seen a million times.

This is my new normal and this is a 24/7 job.

There’s no way to balance it all, so I’m focusing on what’s most important right now - Ivy - and I’ll figure the rest out along the way💕

Do you feel different when you spend time outside?

I remember when my sister and I watched “My Octopus Teacher” on Netflix.

If you haven’t watched it, Craig was a burned out film-maker who began free-diving daily. He comes across an octopus and decides to return to her everyday.

Though the documentary was surprisingly touching, what struck me the most was Craig’s commitment and determination even through discomfort. The water was cold, there was danger around him, he was usually alone, sometimes he even went diving at night.

He never missed a day.

I can’t think of anything that I’m willing to commit to every single day, especially if it’s uncomfortable. And it caused me to realize that my attitude keeps me from the real world around me.

Most of my days are spent indoors. I’ve got heating and air. The TV is often playing or, if not, music on my iPhone. Everything is cushy and clean and safe.

But what if I committed to doing outside activities daily? No matter the temperature. The noises of nature. Dirt, bugs, sun, rain, wind. 

Craig talked about how the cold water was hard at first, but then he began to crave it. His time in the ocean calmed and centered him and even went as far as to improve his human relationships. I believe that it was because he became more focused on what’s real.

If I’m not careful, I stay inside all the time. It’s too hot outside. It’s too cold outside. It’s raining. I hate the bugs. It’s boring. I don’t have a plug and my phone is dying. Etc. But, what if I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and committed to daily outside activities?

And the ironic thing is…Ivy is much happier when we are outside🥰

Lazy Girl's Guide to Getting in Shape

I'm lazy, but want to stay healthy of course, so here are my tips for doing so:

✅wear cute clothes for motivation

✅drink half your weight in water

✅eat when your hungry

✅don’t eat when you’re not hungry

✅avoid food that doesn’t sit well

✅sleep 7-9 hrs every night

✅do exercise you enjoy

✅think positive thoughts

✅sweat in the sauna

✅get outside daily

It's not one magic solution but a lifestyle of good choices.

What do you do to help you stay motivated?

Did you know October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month

I'll never forget October 15th, 2018.

Instead of laboring for hours and racking up thousands of dollars in medical bills to happily bring our baby home in our arms, we carried ours home in a plastic bag and buried it in my parents backyard.

I remember wondering if I’d ever feel happy again. With our baby gone, I felt as though I had no purpose and hated the awkwardness of being a mother without her child.

Little did I know, that was just the beginning of a handful of tough years.

But I’ve come out of it more confident in who I am and who I want to be, more confident in who will show up for me when things suck, more confident that I don’t have any answers…but mostly, more confident that God has all of them and this is His will for our life.

Because October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I want to share some suggestions on how to treat parents who have lost a child:

-Remember that a dearly loved child died and don’t treat it as though it was “just a miscarriage”.

-Be aware that the mom still had to labor and deliver her child, even if it wasn’t yet full-term.

-Messages, phone calls and cards are wonderfully thoughtful, but consider being there in person to offer support.

-Don’t avoid the topic (or the mom!), even if you just offer hugs and say “I don’t know what to say”.

-Use the baby’s name and remember it’s part of the family, even though it’s gone.

-Ask questions to give grieving parents permission to share what they’re going through.

-Know that the parents will always miss their child, so let them grieve without a time limit.

-Offer to help with cleaning, meals, etc., especially until the mom has recovered physically.

-Remember the mom and dad are now parents, even though their baby died.

-Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, their baby’s Birthday, etc., are all days where the parents should be included and their baby should be remembered.

Losing a child is indescribable. Let’s figure out how to encourage and support those who are suffering through it.

How To Get Hard Things Done

“The belief that you can do it comes from doing it.”

-Darlene Weir

I think back over my life and all the times I said “I can’t do that” or “I’d never be able to do that”. Times I believed that something was just too hard and I didn’t have what it takes.

Sometimes I let those beliefs hold me back from accomplishing what I wished or wanted. But every now and then, I’d somehow find the courage to stop making excuses and simply do it.

“I’ll never be able to run my own business”, “I can’t run well enough to sign up for a race”, “I’ll never be good at social media”, “I can’t be a vegan because I can’t live without cheese”, “I won’t survive a medication free, natural birth”, “I’ll never travel once I have kids” and even something as silly as “I’ll never learn how to wand my hair”...these were all things that I truly believed at one point.

Each one of these beliefs, though, we’re just that...beliefs. At some point, for every one of these (and more), I decided to take control and simply make it happen.

I learned how to be a business owner, run, use social media, live without cheese, naturally birth babies, travel with a toddler and wand my hair. The belief that I could do each one of these came from just doing them.

So, let’s stop making excuses by using words like “can’t” and “could never” and be honest with ourselves. We CAN do it. It’s a choice. And if we choose NOT to do it, let’s begin using phrases like, “that’s not my priority right now” instead. I don’t want to be a victim. I doubt you want to either.

The belief that we can do it comes from doing it. Let’s do it.

It's NOT too hard to travel with kids!

Have you ever been told it’s too hard to travel with kids?

I knew having a baby would change my life forever, but I went into this determined to still have a life.

So, since the week Ivy was born, I’ve made an effort to get outside for walks, try new restaurants, go for coffee and hang out with friends. I was hard in the beginning and I would come home exhausted, but it made me feel like I hadn’t lost all my freedom.

She's three now and we're doing more and more...road-trips, adventures, crossing things off our Bucket List, being involved with church and friends. It's been amazing to prove to myself that I can have a kid and still do all the things I did before!

What’s insane is to think back. With four small girls, my parents traveled the world. We lived in Ethiopia and traveled to Kenya. We spent the summer in Peru and Bolivia and then moved to Bolivia the next year. We’ve gotten lost roadtripping the USA, broken down as we drove through the African countryside and burnt out the breaks in the Andes mountains. I’m familiar with too many airports to count. We’ve piled into subways, trains, buses and taxis all over the world. Getting lost was our style.

We swam in jungle rivers with piranhas, anacondas and alligators, found ourselves in the midst of protests and tear gas, run from the police and tried to fend off lose monkeys while they swung on my youngest sisters neck. I’ve got a lifetime of crazy memories and, until I moved back to the USA for college, thought that my life was totally normal.

But the truth is, my sisters and I experienced more during our childhoods than most in their lifetime. Based on my history, you’d think nothing would scare me. But I have to work hard to be adventurous as a mom. It’s really made me admire my parents laid back attitude and trust in the Lord.

I have so many good memories from my childhood abroad. And the thing is, I didn’t have a cell phone for my parents to check in on me all the time. And yet they allowed me a lot of freedom to explore, hang out with friends and truly experience the cultures we lived in. I want that for Ivy. But I realize that if I want that for her, I have to start by being brave myself. Right now.

Life doesn’t stop because I had a baby. It’s different, sure. It’s hard, yes. But, it’s new and fresh and can be a lot more exciting.

Having kids doesn't have to change anything. Just plan, be flexible, move forward and keep doing what you love, teaching your kid to love it all with you!

Packing List for Road-Tripping with a Toddler

In 2021, we took our then 13-month-old on a 2.5 month road-trip full of camping, hotels, AirBnb, family, beaches, bike rides, hikes and so much more.

It was incredible.

But, as I've told people what we did, they would comment how daunting the packing and travel must have been with a toddler. I'm here to say, it was more work than when it was just Nick and me, but it honestly wasn't difficult.

So, I’ve put together a packing list for other parents who are ready to go on an adventure.

Here's Ivy’s Packing List:

Video, monitor and plugs

Sound machine and plug

Playpen and two sheets

Stroller

Travel chair

3 tank-top onesies

5 short-sleeved onesies

4 long-sleeved onesies

4 pants

3 Pjs

Sleep sack

Sleeping bag sack

Blanket

Fleece coat

Raincoat

3 socks

1 pair shoes

Sunhat 

Beanie

Gloves

Swimsuit

Cup

Bib

Spoon

Swim Diapers

Diapers

Wipes

Rash cream

Sunscreen

Motrin and Tylenol

TummyGize oil

SniffleEase oil

Valor oil roll-on

Calm oil

Diffuser and cord

Thermometer 

Shampoo/Body Wash

Brush

Lovey

1 small basket of Toys and Books

Camping towel

Bike seat (attaches to Nick's bike)

Bike helmet

***Get your Young Living oils from me HERE. Use code - SHAREYL for 10% off :) 

How Motherhood Forced Me To Make Better Choices

As someone who’s always struggled with anxiety and depression, I’ve had to learn to be careful of what I watch, listen to and even conversations I choose to participate in.

I have a very vivid imagination, put myself in those shoes and, before I know it, I’m terrified that I’ll be next. When most people would think “that would never happen to me”, I think more like “it’s got to happen to someone, so why not me?”.

My mind can take me to negative places in a flash. After all, Satan wants to terrify and destroy me and knows exactly where to kick me when I’m down. He seems to work best on me in the dark, and some nights I’m so afraid that I wake Nick to pray with me.

So, ever since Ivy was born and I felt more vulnerable, I’ve been more picky of what comes in. I even went through a period during her first year that I didn't read many novels or watch most movies because I got too emotionally involved. Even my music choices changed.

It may have been excessive, but it made a huge difference for me during those difficult months! This verse has come to mind over and over in the last few years as I’ve edited what I take in:

“...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.” -Philippians 4:8

I know I’m highly sensitive, but I’ve learned how to take care of me. And the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve learned that my weakness can be used for good as it pushes me to make better choices and have compassion for others who struggle with the same things.

If you find yourself negatively affected by what you see, hear and talk about, consider avoiding what you can. And then find positive things to fill that gap.

4 things you SHOULD tell moms instead

 Has another mom ever told you something that wasn’t encouraging or even turned out untrue?

My examples are:

Just you wait…you’ll be begging for that epidural.

Just you wait…you’ll never sleep again.

Just you wait…you’re house and car will always be a wreck.

Just you wait…it’s not the first year, but age (fill in the blank), that’s rough.

Why do moms do this to each other?

Let’s try this instead:

Just you wait…you’ll be amazed at your own strength.

Just you wait…your days will be so much more meaningful.

Just you wait…your priorities will shift as you settle into your new routine.

Just you wait…every age has something you’ll love.

I’m not saying being a mama isn’t hard. It’s so hard.

But I still think we can switch our language up to encourage each other through the hard times and celebrate each other through the wonderful times.

What’s something you were told that discouraged you? How can you turn it around to be positive? Please COMMENT below! 

2 moms, 2 kids and 24 hours in Charlotte

My sister, Elizabeth, and I took our kids and went to Charlotte for the night this past weekend.

It was fun to get away, so I wanted to share what we did in case you need ideas for your next night out of town.

1. Lunch at Amelie’s French Bakery

2. Shop and play at the Southpark Mall

3. Eat dinner at The Cowfish

4. Stay at the Hyatt Centric

5. Breakfast at Original Pancake House

6. Walk and play at Freedom Park

7. Stop by Goodwill for a browse

8. Lunch at Romeo’s Vegan Burgers

This short trip was just enough, but we both decided we’ll go again (without kids next time, haha).

38 pieces of advice

I just turned 38 in August and wanted to put together my words of wisdom!

Here’s my 38 pieces of wisdom to mark my 38th birthday

1. Never say never.

2. Kill them with kindness.

3. Just ask.

4. Spend time with people you love.

5. Travel often.

6. Be generous.

7. Learn something new (all the time).

8. Go on walks.

9. Choose the best option in front of you.

10. Read daily.

11. Plan girls nights.

12. Stretch.

13. Don’t spend what you don’t have.

14. Make goals.

15. Find a hobby (or three).

16. Go outside as much as possible.

17. Set boundaries with your smartphone.

18. Eat real food.

19. Get a dog.

20. Do work you love.

21. Wear comfy shoes.

22. Cook homemade meals.

23. Get monthly facials.

24. Live toxin-free.

25. Practice solitude.

26. Dress in beautiful colors.

27. Tidy your home each morning.

28. Enjoy quiet nights at home.

29. Become friends with your neighbors.

30. Take lots of vacations.

31. Drink more water.

32. Get enough sleep.

33. Use lamps for lighting.

34. Practice minimalism.

35. Kiss your baby too much.

36. Pray constantly.

37. Go on trips with friends and no kids.

38. Talk to a counselor.

Got any good advice? Please share!

I have everything I NEVER wanted!

I never wanted to settle down in the USA.
I never wanted to marry an American.
I never wanted to be a business-owner.
I never wanted to live in a Fixer Upper.
I never wanted to raise an only child.
I never wanted to be a working mom.

I have everything I never wanted.

But it turns out, it’s what I needed.

It’s a good life for me💕

What’s something about your life you wouldn’t have chosen, but it’s actually been perfect for you?