I'll never forget October 15th, 2018.
Instead of laboring for hours and racking up thousands of dollars in medical bills to happily bring our baby home in our arms, we carried ours home in a plastic bag and buried it in my parents backyard.
I remember wondering if I’d ever feel happy again. With our baby gone, I felt as though I had no purpose and hated the awkwardness of being a mother without her child.
Little did I know, that was just the beginning of a handful of tough years.
But I’ve come out of it more confident in who I am and who I want to be, more confident in who will show up for me when things suck, more confident that I don’t have any answers…but mostly, more confident that God has all of them and this is His will for our life.
Because October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I want to share some suggestions on how to treat parents who have lost a child:
-Remember that a dearly loved child died and don’t treat it as though it was “just a miscarriage”.
-Be aware that the mom still had to labor and deliver her child, even if it wasn’t yet full-term.
-Messages, phone calls and cards are wonderfully thoughtful, but consider being there in person to offer support.
-Don’t avoid the topic (or the mom!), even if you just offer hugs and say “I don’t know what to say”.
-Use the baby’s name and remember it’s part of the family, even though it’s gone.
-Ask questions to give grieving parents permission to share what they’re going through.
-Know that the parents will always miss their child, so let them grieve without a time limit.
-Offer to help with cleaning, meals, etc., especially until the mom has recovered physically.
-Remember the mom and dad are now parents, even though their baby died.
-Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, their baby’s Birthday, etc., are all days where the parents should be included and their baby should be remembered.
Losing a child is indescribable. Let’s figure out how to encourage and support those who are suffering through it.
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